BaTaBeeT

Thursday-Random-Useless-Thoughts 2

2012-01-19T15:28:00.003+02:00

سابنى تايه وسط فكرة و100 سؤال

How I deal with new people in terms of how much I like'em

o I like'em aweee…find'em interesting

o Suddenly find'em totally dull, can't stand being around them

o Neutral / Meh… Okay

Give your Zahra to Zahra… (Quote of the MF Year) =D

Is it weird that I find this amusing and highly entertaining??

Talking to my co-workers about their relationship problems and that they miss / love / feel pain etc made me realize my heart is long gone… zombies FTMFW

Those were tears of…. DAMN FUCK !

You're in control pressing pause on my heartbeat

I've been addicted to you since the first hit

Your skin, the touch, the kiss, the rush, TOO MUCH

I know that it's a little bit frightening… we might as well be playing with lightening

THE RUSH THE RUSH THE RUSH THE RUSH

(The Wanted – Lightening)

I'm walking the road with no end… no possible end… even if it had one it's gonna be terrible…

If things turned bad… it's gonna end terribly

If things turned good… it's gonna be EVEN MORE terrible

Rejection…. Frustrated?

A7a I can't take it anymore… I'm an idiot… a literal creep… a FREAK !

It means I'm an idiot.

'Cause I thought for one second

that I wouldn't have to feel guilty any more For wanting what I want. (VD, 310)

Thursday-Random-Useless-Thoughts

2012-01-12T16:41:00.005+02:00

اوقات لما بيوحشنى بلاقينى حلمت بيه...

So Cheesy !

A Question: What can be better than a hot cup of rich cocoa with

Abdelfata7 singing in my ears????

________________________________

Some people never change, regardless of how long you stop talking to them…

During 3 years I thought you would be some kind of a grown up, the fact is, y

our psychological imbalances, your "3o2ad na2s" have magnified X 3

I hate that I have wished to run into you… an

d I hate that it came true…

_______________________________________

The inside jokes are too much, I hate / love that I remember you like every second !

Yesterday I had the MOST AWKWARD moment in my entire life… and what's more awkward is that I don't completely remem

ber what happened so that I can explain… FML…. And the "NO" literally cut me open

This is how u make me feel >>>>>>

___________________________________________

No professional photographer can capture this moment; me driving fast going up the bridge with the sun light very bright in my eyes, you enjoy the breeze, it brings back every good feeling you've ever had

________________________________________

I named the balloon "Robensa"

WTF !!!!l

2012-01-08T09:11:00.002+02:00

Maybe I'm being paranoid but...

Yesterday my brother's Ex was talkin' to my Mom and she knew I broke up... she didn't know I was there during the call

a minute later her status was changed to:

"One Word... Karma"

Again, Maybe I'm being paranoid... but I wanna kill the damn bitch !

I felt really offended... that's a new level of low even for someone like her !

2011 in Words…

2012-01-05T09:47:00.007+02:00

2011 in very simple words...

Highlights of the year:

Video clip الوسادة الخالية
Ibrahim w Yousra got together =D
Dairy Queen
Loaye wearing a suit to Pottery
My HAIRCUT (a la ga3'con... bas akid mesh wahmeya zai N.Portman)
Ear Piercings (4 each side)
Video el Valentine's
Basma almost killing Nancy throwing her from over the car…ROFL (besm el saleeb ana et3ameit)
The ESS Guys

Best Things:

My birthday deck (memories... best thing EVER)
Mohab
Bicycle Tiger Deck (cards deck)
My New Camera !
Studio el BARTAMAN
Love Love Love (perfume)
Pure seduction (perfume bardo)
Dairy Queen
The Hug
El Manyal
El sa7el / Alexandria
Cookie ♥
The automatic cigarettes rolling machine… bringing a new level to getting high
Lightening (a la song) – ana fahma
FINALLY swimming in the morning
Khaled Tea Stand ... w Om khaled ♥
Hash al ismailia =D alla7'rebetak ya Tenda

New Places:

بحة
مليم
تكية رزه
The ZOO (old but new)
القرية الفرعونية (old but new)

Worst Things:

No Pizza Bazza :(
Rana leaving Egypt
The Breakup
Amr Diab's new album
El BALLOONAAA (bent mayteen deen om el kalb)

Best People:

Mohab
Basma
Nezar
Loaye
Pony (he's always the best)

2011 KC's: Three

Most Memorable Days:

La7ma overdose at Al Re7ab
Ahmed Salah and the Car Key
Guitar / Tabla session
Basma's Birthday… Karaoke night
My Engagement Outing
The last Saturday in 2011 with Mohab – Thanks for being awesome :)

And many many many many more highlights and memorable days and bad things and good things that I can't recall now… Just needed a recap

That year was neutral…. Not so bad but definitely not good!

Happy New Year J

2012-01-04T15:35:00.003+02:00

and Again,,,

STOP EXPECTING

Nothing will happen !

They don't care enough about u

27

2012-01-04T12:45:00.001+02:00

The only thing I got for my birthday is OLD

(I won't write anything else, it can get quite depressing)

Mind-Super-Fuck

2011-12-26T15:41:00.003+02:00

Regardless the fact that some things are Earth shattering and mind blowing…

__________________

I have the tendency to kill everything beautiful…. Not just the tendency, but also the ability

__________________

Okay, so if you love pasta alfredo but can't have pasta alfredo cause u're on diet for a looooooong time… u just love the smell and the garnish but can't have it… the question is if you quit the diet, and you had pasta alfredo, would you still be loving it?

And if you still love it, would you still crave it equally?

Kefaia keda today…

(the crash course - the shake)... FMFL

2011-12-26T13:47:00.004+02:00

انا بنت كلب

مش عايزة اقعد لوحدى وافكر عشان كل اللى حقوله لنفسى

"انتى واطية"

اه انا واطية...

خلصنا؟؟؟

Moves...

2011-12-07T11:11:00.001+02:00

I wanna be there...

I'll be there...

What Happens in November…

2011-11-24T15:24:00.003+02:00

…Stays in November…

I really wanted to write this in a different setting…

I always imagined myself writing this on an open air café, facing the nile with a cigarette… *sighs*

Everytime I'm nearly close to this, bakassel… el mohem…

Every sentence below has NOTHING to do with the next… so…

November was good man, it was good

It was weird, new, full of weird feelings and depression

The duck-birds dilemma…

Feeling okay and a bit satisfied, not satisfied but 5alas I'm okay with what I am

Ahh ya Christina, Big brown eyes can hypnotize… (C.Aguilera – Infatuation)

I had one of the best conversations in a looooong time… quite convincing… I shook my head and understood… I know that 2 hrs later I was back to where we started but anyways, Thank you Rami…

I'm shaken from the very core… shaken shaken and fucked up… a7a WTF am I thinking...

It's like leaving your home with the intension of destructing your life… and smiling about it…

I broke up with dad, hopefully for good this time…

I've been to new places; بحة – تكية رزة were the highlights

I spent the Eid in el Manial… got in love with "Khaled – el curvat" which is the tea "nasba" right on the nile… it's so fuckin calming !!!

I got over the "how to roll" problem… awaiting the field trip… to India… 7anafuu will relate

I'm proud of my best friend, I knew him he was a baby boy and now he's a full grown awesome man… and I love him more than anything

Tuesday 27/9/2011… a day I wish I never left home…

I'm glad I found me a new close friend… we just fit… too many inside jokes in a very short time… Thanks for giving me a great first week of November J … "3la fekra ana ba3raf a2ol el kalam b nafs el taree2a"

Hussein… ya3 :S

I'm back to listening to sha3by… wana asheel el kart… wana a7ottt el kart (applicable on Everything)

I had to ditch everything to go see a friend before he travels… don't judge me… he was traveling for a WHOLE DAY !

I did something I swore I will never be doing…

I gave the cold-mannered bitch side to my close friends… I took a huge step backwards… that was healthy in many many many ways

There's this picture that I love… that I constantly look at… of us… too sad I can't have it published

I am totally مغلقة للتجديدات … mel a7'er… I'm currently totally unfuckable

I'm 26 going on 27… I'm acting as if I'm 16 going on 14… I love being able to have these feelings again… the butterflies, the aches, the guilt…the widened eyes filled with Joy… RAWRRRR

Ana asheel el da2n… ana a7ott el da2n… (applicable on many things now)

3moman, lessa fadel a whole week till November ends… Let's see the intensity of the latest update to come…

El mohem… Yalla n3'anni??

(Sighs… long warm ones… dim the lights…el otta fil mosem mood activated… listen…)

You look into my eyes… I go out of my mind… I can't see anything 'cause this Lust's got me blind

I can't help myself, I can't break the spell, I CAN'T EVEN TRY

I'm in over my head You got under my skin

I got no strength at all In this state that i'm in

And my knees are weak And my mouth can't speak Fell too far this time

Baby i'm too lost in you caught in you Lost in everything about you…

So deep i can't sleep i can't think I just think about the things that you do

I'm too lost in you….

Yalla brb, 7ageeb enshera7 3shan tesh5or heya….

Fling

2011-11-23T16:23:00.006+02:00

Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh?

Shouldn't it be... flung by now?

L'a7a

[Ross - friends 108]

2011-11-13T13:38:00.004+02:00

I've been listening to this for a long time... But...

You Make me feel like I'm livin a teenage dream the way turn me on
I can't sleep,let's run away and never look back
My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch and baby I believe this is real

I let my walls come down...

October Ramblings

2011-10-20T11:48:00.005+02:00

This is the only place I say the truth...

Forget Perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless..

I woke up crying my eyes off…

Why should I accept living in shit??? Why do I cry every time I compare myself to others?

Maybe cause I'm just worthless… I don't deserve any better than this…

A7a

Can we be just friends? I don't even want that… if we were just friends I still wouldn't go out with you…

I have no feelings what so ever... no love in my heart AT ALL

Damn, I wish the next time I open my eyes I'm either in 2008 or dead…

I admit it, I'm a failure!

"di layali ablak mesh 3aiz a3raf kam…" I believe that was the only hour I was actually happy… "I'll take you to places you've never been…"

I'm so sad it's making me sick… my fever is rising I'm almost hallucinating

I want someone to give me a hug, and say everything's gonna be okay… but I'm not sure if I can prevent myself from doing something stupid

Why have I always judged cheaters??? And considered them bad or immoral?

Noone gets cheated on for no reason.. People who get cheated on totally deserve it! ... Stop judging cheaters!!!

And now I'll go looking for my lone wolf-like guilty pleasure…

Still, a duck can't live among birds…

How can I call you my friend if I have to watch everything I do or say !!! go and fuck yourself

I don't like what I've become… but I don't regret what I'm doing

I hate that sometimes I catch myself playing games… the old games… and then I realize it's too late for that… what can come out of this?!!!

Damn, I can never forget our staircase / rocky chair encounter… a while ago, my dream has come DREAM… okay enough!

Being an asshole was never a problem for me, it was all physically challenging

And Finally, Apparently, I'm the friend all parents want for their kids, but, I'm the friend that all parents do not want their kids to have!

I have noone to talk to, no friend that I can tell everything to... the only one I used to talk to is the one I wanna talk about... and my mom listens, build stories and tells EVERYONE ! (and then I find my brother's friend askin me why are you having problems with your inlaws???)

I'm going back to Drugs… المخدرات حلوة since I can not starve myself to death…

And no more crushes for me, my last crush didn't end up so well… I got engaged.

(I will post this and read it, I dunno what I've written...)

This consists of totally unrelated things

...wait,what?

2011-09-19T17:35:00.002+02:00

I wanna have an affair with a wealthy Saudi Arabian

yeah, I got some candidates in mind...

September Ramblings

2011-09-13T14:46:00.004+02:00

-Do you ever get scared to sleep in a room in the dark when the closet door is opened?

-Okay, so I've been hallucinating lately, spending days in bed making plans, plans for things that can never come true! The scary thing is that these plans have previously come physically true… not once, not twice… it's all about giving in.

-I need to break free… I'm suffocating… I'm scared

I hate limitations; I hate that I like wedding rings yet I have to pretend otherwise, I hate that I want a big wedding but can't say it out loud, I rather have no wedding than have the shit planned…everything has to be fuckin affordable, but who are you fuckin kiddin !! and to be honest, I DON’T EVEN WANNA GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST FUCKIN PLACE, I'm not cut out for this !!!!!!

I don't wanna serve, or be responsible for the partner or any creatures that may result from fucking him, which I believe will also suck as much as the rest of the relationship

I wanna have a beautiful home, I hate my potential apartment, my dad's beach house is 3X bigger… I wanna buy beautiful things for the place I will stay in, I can't be hearing shit about having things made to save money… 55555555 a7a…

I hate having someone watching my every step, someone interfering in everything along the way even K.Om el ma3la2a eli 7akol beeha !

And yeah I'm crying, cause I wanna be with someone who will make me happy, who will take me to nice places, buys me nice stuff and pays for dinner.

I hate that I feel nothing, I don't feel in love anymore… I hate that I'm looking for the feeling in mini-situations… I hate that I keep fantasizing about love stories that I am no longer able to have

--And what's with the people getting married and logging to facebook and uploading pics the very next day? Shouldn't you people be fucking or fornicating or something?

--And yeah, he better think you're not putting out cause you're shy, and not cause you're a Homo…

--I wish I was a lesbian… much much much much easier regardless of the fact that girls suck as well if not more.

--PS: I hate teddies, I HATE TEDDIES…. Who loves teddies asasan ! okay they're cute for once, twice… 5elesna !

--I'd rather be alone than sorry…

I hate that my plan is get married and get divorced, cause I can't see it any other way…

Thank you… really.

Lost Control

2011-08-08T10:14:00.002+02:00

The Most Depressing.... EVER

it makes me feel okay to be a loser, it destroys all my hopes and dreams

from the first word "LIFE" , it makes me feel like someone's suffocating me... I love it!

Life has betrayed me once again,

I accept some things will never change.

I've let your tiny minds magnify my agony,

and it's left me with a chem'cal dependency for sanity.

Yes, I am falling... how much longer till I hit the ground?

I can't tell you why I'm breaking down.

Do you wonder why I prefer to be alone?

Have I really lost control?

I'm coming to an end,

I've realised what I could have been.

I can't sleep so I take a breath and hide behind my bravest mask,

I admit I've lost control.

الله يخرب بيوتكو !

Photoshop (very short story)

2011-07-06T10:33:00.002+02:00

I met X when I was 5 years old at a family gathering, she was an evil little bitch who looked innocent but tortured me when no one was looking our way

We grew up together, I was the dreamy adolescent boy and she was the tomboy in our little group who never stopped hitting, biting and kicking me whenever possible, I've always dealt with her like she was my brother… I always thought that this dudette can never turn into a girl… EVER

We've spent a lot of time at each others', watched movies all night and even slept on the same bed… yeah she was literally my Brother

We went to different universities but still we studied together and spent our summers in the same house… I used to tell X everything, she was my best friend and I've always seen her as family, a friend but never a woman

Years passed by but we never lost contact

Being a professional photographer, she asked me to "retouch" a picture that I took of her to make her look– and I quote - more perfect than she already is, and it hit me…

I've always seen this smile, but it never captured me

I've always seen this face, but I never stared

This very shot I took suddenly made me see her in a totally different way

I looked at this picture for hours and couldn't move my eyes away from her amazing smile with her perfect pearly teeth, her shiny hair and glowing eyes.

She was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen… How could I ever let her go?

I would have never guessed that she would torture me for the rest of my life when no one was looking my way…

يقطع الرجالة وسنينها

2011-06-21T09:31:00.001+02:00

رجل واحد لا يكفى

انا عايزة واحد يحبنى

و واحد يخرجنى ويفسحنى ويسفرنى

و واحد يتكلم معايا ويسمعنى

و واحد يدينى –لامؤاخذة- حنان

و واحد يصرف عليا ويجيبلى هدايا

و واحد انا احبه

الحرمااااااااان وحـش

بلا وكســـــة

Post-Engagement

2011-06-02T10:48:00.010+02:00

Just for my favorite invisible doctor :D , she asked for a post-engagement post…

and PS: This is not a happy post.... here we go...

Wearing rings? Yea? So ? :D

I still feel nothing, nothing's changed at all, maybe cause we've been together for a LOOONG time… the point of happiness just didn't hit me yet, and I dunno what should happen for it to do so.

Another thing, I should stop EXPECTING, cause EXPECTING is a deadly 9 letter word… I should just stop expecting once and for all (from anyone).

I thought when I move to this stage I will be feel different, I will take some positive steps, I will act different even when I'm alone, but I have never been more stuck in my imaginary world

The only difference is that I look at the ring every few seconds and I say

"A7EEEE I'm wearing a ring!!!"

– especially because it all happened so fast I didn't get to feel the normal stages of happiness or whatever… "di 5otobtek... efra7y" as everyone says, bas AFRA7 B EH ? HOWA FI 7AGA BETE7SAL ???? There isn't any fun about it!

I just fell in love with my engagement band (above) the second I tried it on, I have tried like a 1000 more in 100 different places but I got back to this one, just felt perfect with its white diagonal lines... on the other hand, I didn't look the way I wanted to when I'm a bride... and that supressed any good feelings I should've had

A positive point: I don't feel caged al7amdlellah, couldn't afford that

ahhh, and btw, My dude is a fellow blogger, we've known each others through the blogs and blog friends 5 years ago

Unrelated topics – 3 messages I need to send:

- I'm so intimidated by you, it scares me sometimes *Sighs*

- I can't stop thinking that we could've had it all whenever I listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele

- I miss u my ex-best friend, and listening to our memories together which only makes it worse especially that you're totally off the radar.

And one final piece of advice: Taking too much pain killers in order to numb emotional pain is just useless !!! (now that I'm in ♥ with Kitofan)

Also El-Greeny is SO BLOODY CUTE

:'(

2011-05-08T12:15:00.001+02:00

I'm the ghost of a girl

That I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl

That I used to know well

[Christina Perri - The Lonely]

55555555

2011-04-11T10:55:00.005+02:00

التـــعريـــــــــــــــــــــس مـلا الكـــيـــــــــــــــــــــس

(Sorry, Just needed to be said... )
PS: I know it ends with a ص

My Instant Mood Elevator

2011-04-05T11:36:00.003+02:00

To watch:

and I have no idea why....

maybe watching their exquisite performance regardless how high / drunk they are...

I keep watching it over.. and over .. and over.. it works !

(ps. I don't like rai music)

but to me.... this is Perfection !

Clinical

2011-04-03T13:10:00.002+02:00

Which sign of the following should I take as a sign of being clinically depressed? Something beyond repair?

Stopped exercising completely after going to the gym for 5 days / week
Stopped Dieting (gaining 50+ Kgs in 1 year)
Stopped praying (after being totally committed)
Stopped smiling…again
Spending a fortune on useless shit and eating out
Spending a looooot on a Gym related wardrobe and other things from socks to music players then not going
Literally "Fakis Work"
Lying… just for the sake of it
Spending the last I have on accessories / silver that I NEVER wear !
Having my ears pierced (6 new ones) knowing that no-one ever sees it (my aunt told me that I look like "kha**lat el yonan" (PS: if you intend to do that in any stage of your life, please consider sleeping, talking on the phone and headphones)

and that's simply the summary of last month...

Batabeet's 5th Birthday

2011-03-03T09:08:00.002+02:00

Has it really been that long ???

It has always been my space to scream, to think out loud, to curse freely…

Faced the transformationSSSS silently…

It's getting Old… I'm getting Older !

Current state: giving up on everything reached a 93% progress

I discovered recently that people are naturally born liars, that I'm totally worthless… that I should never count on how somebody feels towards me cause eventually all the promises and the feelings will turn out to be null

________________________________________

How have I changed since the day I've posted my first blog… mmmmm

I had problems with my weight… then I over came them… now I'm facing worse problems =D

I was totally in love with a fuckin loser… who treated me badly and made me feel like shit about myself all the time

I had many regrets… I still do… bigger regrets (since the start of the blog was pre-2008)

I was struggling with the way I deal with others… I'm a little bit better at this

I wrote a letter to my ex-best friend (ATM)…I understood that I finally got over his spell and control over me… (I fell back in love with him a bit later, but that's another story… now he's just a ya3 factor in my life)

And Last but not least, My blog name was "BATABEET EL SOKKAR" at first … heehee

2011-02-23T09:18:00.006+02:00

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with them?

You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em?

Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills? Used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em!!!

Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

I can't tell you what it really is ... I can only tell you what it feels like

Eminem Ft. Rihanna - Love the way you lie

Why -THE FUCK- Would I?

2011-02-21T11:35:00.003+02:00

Stage 1:

Why would I…

- Wanna meet new people?

- Go to dinner parties with strangers?

- Force a smile in public events?

- Pay for new rooms? Clothes? Appliances? Don't I have all that already ?!!!

Stage 2:

Why would I…

- Pay thousands on a wedding? for people to dance, eat and mock me?

- Pay thousands on a single dress?

- Again, force a smile?

- Be an attention whore?

Stage 3:

Why would I…

- Give up my privacy?

- Have forced shared interests?

- Prepare 3 meals / day? Then Clean the dishes after them ?!

- Clean a house when I get this done for me now?

- Take the responsibility of a household?

- Save up for a future?

- Not enjoy everyday the way I want?

- Sleep with someone in the same room on the same bed when I can't sleep in vacations cause it's a shared room?

Stage 4:

Why would I…

- Get pregnant?

- Have morning sickness?

- Stay up all night taking care of a baby?

- Caring for a being that will grow up hating me anyways?

- Doing my best raising a kid and be judged as a bad mother?

- Paying for someone else's clothes, education and entertainment?

- Paying for someone else to get married ?!!!!

Convince me… make me feel like it's gonna be worth it… and I will jump right in…

It's SO FUCKIN costly and exhausting, both financially and emotionally…

Thanks for makin' it harder by the day…

I always ask anyone who tells me "ya rab tetgawezy" etc.. , show me 1 example of a successful marriage and I might think about it....

ALL my family members have been divorced (father, mother and brother, twice each =D )

Beeb Beeb Ahly !

2011-02-07T12:45:00.003+02:00

Why did I Post this as my profile picture?

Because I'm indifferent? Maybe…

What can I do, I was born this way…

I am not patriotic, not heroic, I am nothing…

But I did my best and succeeded in provoking the 10 days-experience politicians… go and fuck yourselves b2a!

I can't decide what's right, but I can definitely see what's wrong… I admire what they're doing… regardless of the fact that "e7na sha3b mashafsh tarbeya" – and I love it !

I've build this wall; I won't be affected by Mubarak's speech or even the women crying for their rights and freedom…

What Can I do? It's not my fault that I was born to a family who made it impossible for me to want to build my own family

A boyfriend who made me hate romance and made me seek tenderness from others

Friends who are mostly all about fun

And a self image that is just self-destructing

I see no future, I don't care about the future but I can't help being afraid…

(In case anyone gets me wrong, I'm totally against Mubarak)

The Upper Hand

2011-01-11T11:43:00.004+02:00

T... U wanna make love?
Nnnnnnno - No
Okay good night
Good night

No Longer....

2011-01-04T11:12:00.006+02:00

I no longer am the girl of your dreams

No longer the girl you sing about

No longer the girl you write about

No longer the girl you want to see

No longer the girl you wanna be with

No longer the girl you seek the touch of

No longer the girl that can be your whole world

No longer the girl you would die for

No longer the girl you wanna wake up next to

No Longer the girl you constantly miss

No longer the girl you wanna spend the rest of your life with

No longer the girl you strive for her acceptance

No longer the girl you try to impress

No longer the girl you wanna share with

No longer the girl you wanna do something for

No longer the girl you're so proud to be with

It's heartbreaking…

I no longer am me…

I'm just an unclear image of what I used to be...

I don't feel safe anymore…

I'm not made up for being complete…

I'm facing the end alone...

Tears are leaving a mark on my face...

I'm in enough pain…

26 and Furious !

2011-01-04T09:47:00.002+02:00

I'm 26…

And what have I accomplished?

Mainly a major feeling of worthlessness

And 100+ pounds, I became a terrible nervous human being…

My boyfriend got me NOTHING for my birthday cause "mal7e2sh"… he didn't have enough time ya 7aram only 364 days in between birthdays… I had his birthday gift more than 3 months ahead ! same happened for our anniversary / valentine, in addition to the fact that he kinda loses, breaks or discards all my gifts :D

This has been ongoing, in my old job I have shared in the celebration / gifts of more than 30 colleagues as well as good bye parties…. I'm the only one in the company who haven't had a birthday party and the ONLY one who left without a good bye party (knowing that my brother is the one who funds all this shit!.... but my brother is a whole other story of making me feel bad about myself)

And before that at school / college I used to plan all birthday surprise parties & the gifts and I get a crappy one cause no one would care enough to make an effort to plan something fun and me happy (Except Loay)

My aunt and dad declared that they are not proud to introduce me to any body they know as their niece / daughter cause of the way I look now…

My mom wants nothing but to take more money from me… I work my ass off and she gets more raise than I do !

I'm so disappointed in everyone I know… Thank you for making me feel worthless…

Sorry for whining…. I just have no where else to scream…

Shoot 2010 !

2010-12-27T10:17:00.006+02:00

I won't be wishing a Happy New Year since clearly this hasn't worked...

2010
Go b2aaaa and FUCK yourself !!!

The only thing I've gained this year was WEIGHT !!!

______________________________________________________________

As for my 2009 post, where I wrote my resolutions for 2010 and was sure I will laugh my Ass off when reading them... I did laugh! ... and it was SO DAAAAMNNNN DEPRESSING !
and they go like:

LOSE WEIGHT! (gained doube)
Get married, getting engaged 7atta!… heehee, depending on the losing weight process (el wad a7'adny kont mozza, delwa2ty ba2et talaga 14 2adam) (a project on hold, w ba2et talaga 29 2adam)
Keeping myself alive, not being killed by anyone, most probably the boyfriend (still alive.... )
Not killing anyone, most probably Mr. S my boss (He's still alive too...)
Being better to my family, I personally don't wanna do that (and I didn't)
Working more professionally and with more concentration (didn't too...)
Getting close to God, praying more, fasting more and reading more Quor'an insha'Allah (I'm a disgrace)
Be a better person in general, improvements in all aspects (Oh lalala !)
And last but not least, better language and better attitude, controlling the "tongue" or cutting it off :D (getting worse by the day)

I won't sum up this Fuckin year or write new resolutions.... both will be more depressing than I can even handle on a day like this...

There's Nothing more to say...

Aaaaaaah Ya Ramy !!!

2010-12-16T12:11:00.011+02:00

Clearly I'm still in love with Ramy Ayach

I wait for Karma… and I'm waiting to witness the punishment of others for doing bad things to me… they deserve it… but I stop and wonder how many people are waiting for MY punishment…

Yesterday I was listening to "David Vendetta – Randevous" album… I was "smelling" the feeling of freedom and happiness I had back then… smelling the tune… smelling the beat… reminiscing…

Is it totally inappropriate that I want to hold a friend of mine just to make him feel that everything's gonna be alright?? I just can't talk to him anymore….

Awsa7' 7aga fil donia… when you ask a girl when is your birthday and she replies "fi TWELVE" …. A7a y3nee mat2olee December !! aw shahr etnashar !!! … sada2et eli 2alet…. "el arkam bel 3araby bee2a" - true story !

Why do people now text instead of calling? IMing, BBMing or SMSing? Guess we can not hear anyone talking anymore after a long day of work, we try to minimize our contact with other people as much as possible

The word "flavor" in Arabic must be legally changed… el shabab ta3ban… it's not fair to have sexual fantasies every time you buy "chocolate flavored cake"!!!

Been hearing a lot of "scary" language from my new co worker like: bat3asab = batshanneg…. W metday2a = ma3'loola…. They scare the shit out of me !!!

I Love Iceberg lettuce - el kabootshah =D (I sound like 3id milady f twelve right??) !!!!

When I was so young (BI – Before internet) I used to love "The Little Mermaid" so much that I was so excited to travel abroad so that I can search for some kind of device that plays only this movie which I can take everywhere (PS: Prince Eric is Hot)

Finally, another AMAZING song… Grenade – Bruno Mars

(Sorry for the inappropriate language used... what the heck... that's the usual)

2010-12-09T16:18:00.003+02:00

Was it Good?
Did I behave like I should?

Was it fine
The way we chose to spend our time?

Knowing You has been an everlasting Thrill

And I Love You still....

Michael Learns To Rock - Walk With Me...

D-E-C-E-M-B-E-R

2010-12-01T12:23:00.004+02:00

We should not expect people to follow what we tell them to! Which causes severe disappointments to control freaks like myself :D

"You'll always be my hero even though you lost your mind…" *

No matter how much I watch it…. BORAT…. Gets me everytime! And not just laughing …. The HA3 Ha3 Haaaaa33333 laughing =D

"What kind of fool was I? cause I believed in every word you said and now I wonder why… " **

My co-worker asked if I have seen "بيرانها... السمكة المتوحشة " and "المنشار ثلاثى الابعاد " movies…. And he highlighted that BIRANHA akid فيلم صيني

Maybe I'm the only one on earth who does…. But I HATE " I Got A Feeling" !!!! (David Guetta & Blackeyed Peas) , it's so depressing ! supposed to be so cheerful that it makes u depressed !

Clearly I hate everyone and everything now… even when I registered on a game site application (POGO), that gives u a name, they called me "Cynical Fatma" … how did they know ????

I don't know how people love their dads, maybe cause I didn't get a "father figure"… I just got a cold experience! (I like the dude just a lil bit thou)

What's with the gurls posing like models in all their pictures on facebook ?? … that's so unfair to you…. You're uglier than my feet… You can't pull it off !!! even my ugly feet would beg to differ

I only wish for superpowers because I'm too lazy! I need:

- Telepathic powers… too lazy to interpret what people mean

- Telekinesis… too lazy to get myself water

- And a mute button to my co-worker :D

This song is soooo heart warming =)

[I LOOOOVE Zachary Levi)

*Rihanna - love the way you lie II
** Scorpions - Loreli

STFU !

2010-11-24T11:31:00.010+02:00

"There's this one time at band camp…."

Once you give the geek a chance to talk…. The geek never shuts up !

I remember back when I was younger I used to strive for people talking to me about their problems, I loved being the one who listens… Now… I despise not being born deaf !!! I stopped listeing to people long ago and my friends know that and respect it…

But when You are forced to stay most of your days, 10 minutes from waking up till the end of the day listening to someone blaaaabing about the same things … and recently all I can hear is "HAW HAW HAW… HAW HAW….HAW HAW…HAW"

Everytime people step out of the room & we're alone….. the machine starts instantly… and I pray for interruption ! but when someone's around, does IT stop? NO ! there's the wonder of the MSN messenger… :D

The second she steps into my car… till the second she steps out of it talking talking talking… about the same things…. And not like she's a sane person talking ! what she says scares the shit out of me….

Telling me every little detail of every fight… I hate the he said / I said he did / I did kind of conversations… "then I opened the door… then he tripped… then I looked… then he smiled…" wana mal mayteen ommmmmmmy !

I'm tired of having someone thinking out loud attached to my ass…. "I smell noodles"… "I am happy" … " I like pink…"... "I wanna eat something that can be eaten by hand".... "I feel cold"... etc....

Then "we broke up" … "we're back…".. "took off the ring" then "I put on the ring" shit…. I can't listen to her cause it's so hard not screaming " I FKN PITY THE DUDE !!!!!!! " the guy's a hero for having to keep up with this !!! She calls his mom to scream at her !!! (my BF should be eternally grateful!)

in addition to: "do you think he will call? " ... "will he call? " "what do you think he will say? " "teftekry bla bla bla bla bla???" HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW ??? I don't have the fuckin' crystal ball !

I simply don't care.... I simply don't care !

And I swear, she speaks out so fast that she pauses every now and then to catch a breath…

She speaks about her family / love life / past work / friends / hobbies / thoughts / neighbours all in one sentence.... she doesn't know what to say in this "vomit" of thoughts...

In the first week I've known all about her everything... she made a clear comparison between her cousins (pros, cons, preferences, love life, everything !)

What more can a person do to ignore somebody?

I give her my back, I don't reply, I talk to other people while she speaks… I chat, I work, I play games… I totally show no interest…

I am actually writing this now as she speaks…

Lately I've been hiding in the bathroom in order to have some peace and quiet…. I cry from pain !! I'm making up fake phone calls ...

The other day we went to the other room to pray, the second the door was closed she sat down… crossed legs and haw haw haw haw haw…. As for me, I suddenly said "ALLAHO AKBAR"…. God's my salvation…

I'm scared to ask "how are you" in any case not to hear the usual amazing reply "MANA MAKAMELTELKEESH !!!"

I am a kind person, but I shift from KIND to ASSHOLE in 30 seconds...

I'm tired of giving the same forced plastic face with the super CRAZY EYES ! (exactly like this one)

Brain damage is much much more tolerable !

Make it stop.... make it stoooooooooooooooop

[addition: Yesterday, she was like : hey.. hey... hey (I was busy doing something)... ana eftakart embare7 wa7da kont nasyaha 7'ales. (end of story)

why would anyone keep listening to someone just thinking out loud ??? ]

I gotta learn how to "snort" in public…. But this creature needs a "sha7'ara bel kahraba"….

Almost....

2010-10-31T12:43:00.004+02:00

Standing in the smallest possible space that can hardly carry two persons… she tried so hard to avoid any eye contact that may occur…

Looking down to his trembling feet… Her heavy breathing so loud in their ears but barely hiding the sound of her heart pounding so hard…

Can't look up, scared of what her eyes might reveal… his hands accidentally touching hers then backing off so quickly

She slowly looked up to see him staring at her, gently pulling her closer…

Their faces are so close… lips barely touching… almost kissing for a minute that seemed like a century to her… but she knew that crossing the "almost" stage would change everything…

She knew it… he knew it… they both knew it…

She knew it can never be kept between them… she knew it will destroy her love life, their friendship and her image…it will just blow up in her face… and will blow up her entire life…

She knew that this tension will never go away regardless of all that might have been…

She knew it was dangerous and forbidden, but she also knew she might never get another chance like this one…

The End…

A Thoughtful Long Weekend

2010-09-27T13:44:00.006+03:00

Thoughtful Long weekend

I've had a long weekend – finally – and here are the useless thoughts that came on my mind during…

- The Parental trend of the people born in the 80s and some of the 90s is divorce… in the 2000s it is homosexuality… for example… in the states now most kids have 2 mothers or 2 fathers… so if a gurl and a guy who are adopted / born to a lesbian couple got married, there will be 4 mother in laws involved… Mother!

- Many people are dumb, sooooo dumb… and their facebook accounts' activities support my theory!

- My boyfriend went on a business trip for 2 weeks… I have eaten a king-size DAIM bar (250 gms) that day and still am depressed (and most probably diabetic) =D < we7sha ="">>

- Coffee & Kent have seriously damaged my nervous system… serious damage!

- Since after my last accident I'm afraid to drive and I no longer drive crazily fast, The chance of me dying in a car accident is decreased to 90% al7amdulelah (it was 120%)

- While I was cleaning our kitchen (for the 1^st time in years) since mom is away… I thought… why aren't I cleaning his kitchen? I wanna marry him b2a =(

- Our brains are like a hard drive… when we wanna forget something / someone we put them in the "recycle bin" while other things are "shift + delete"… unfortunately, most of these are done automatically without our own will…

- 30 Rock… Rocks!

- How come there are unfunny people in the world? Y3nee el unfunny people 3aisha ezay? Fi nas keda naturally born dull? Or is it by choice?

- I wanna see bad things happen to bad people… and be able to witness… thank you Karma in advance…

My Brain actually hurts !!!

Se7en

2010-09-27T13:40:00.002+03:00

I watched seven over the weekend…

- regardless of the fact that I burst into laughing at the last part when I remembered Melody's Ad "howa 3aizak te2telo… e2telllllnyyyyy blalalalala"-…

I believe most of us are accused of some – if not all – of these sins a way or another…

As John Doe said:

"We see a deadly sin on every street corner...in every home...

and we...tolerate it.

We tolerate it because it's common.

It's trivial.

We tolerate it morning,noon and night."

Then he decided to act…

The seven Deadly sins simply are:

Lust: Horny People :D
Gluttony: Compulsive eating disorder - overeating
Greed: always looking for more wealth and power
Sloth: being useless
Wrath: anger and rage – constant cursing
Envy: resenting of other people's lives
Pride: ana 7elwa w 3arfa en ana 7elwa

I believe I'm mostly accused with Gluttony (ban fast food, I'll be a saint!), Wrath and Sloth…

and I don't expect any progress in that matter....

September ! (Yeah I'm Cynical ! )

2010-09-22T14:14:00.010+03:00

· I am Depressed… I have a chronic depression… I know how to make it go away but I can't… true story!

· Yesterday was exactly 4 years since the first time I saw my Love… and Gargir =D

· I love Mr. Big… he gives me this sense of MAN… love, warmth, passion… *Sighs*

· If butterflies fall in love…. what do they feel in their Stomach ??!!!!

· Seriously stop posting pictures of your self !!! everytime I see you I have to "Asta3'fr Allah" cause I think you are so ugly !!! (I literally do a Haw Haw sound whenever I see a new pic) especially with your extremely high effort to look nice and your captions saying that you are hot and mozza =D… bas wesh te3ml el mashta !!!

· DIDO told me that in a relationship (or when you're tryin to hook up with someone), the less interested one is always the one who hangs up first !

· A girl from school got married…. She was wearing a SHORT wedding dress… well… slutty is the more suitable word !!! I guess she was trying to prove to all the clients… sorry, the guests that she didn’t lose her "3'esha2 el bakara" yet… plus she was saving cause she will wear the same dress at night instead of buying some expensive lingerie ! (have u seen anything like that except in Vegas??? ) - w ta7eyatee l kees el gawafa !

· I thank God everyday for not having Big spiders in our city like the ones we see in American movies

Been addicted to this for a while now… [since i travelled to alex and insisted on dancing beside the car when hearing this.. but they wouldn't let me =(

·Yalla...

Happy New Eid !

2010-09-13T10:58:00.007+03:00

This Eid, decided to take an "Estegmam" trip with my best friend without the rest of the group to avoid the usual headaches of every time we travel together deciding where to go and what to do and when to wake up…

We've seen things… we've never seen before!!!

Alexandria during the "wa2fa"… on a café "go7a" in el 3asafra (where 7agar el 7'o7' lasts 2.5 hrs), we saw people wearing colours we never knew existed !

I actually saw a woman with a lemon yellow pants, lemon yellow carina, lemon yellow schiffon scarf with a white shirt maktoob 3aliha "ZANZEBAR"

there were people posing while crossing the street, whores with full makeup at dawn… families going for a meal at the ahwa at 6:30 a.m !!! and to complete the picture… there was a حاوى dressed up as banderas in desperado.. with an egg and a handkerchief and everything :D

We decided to pray the Eid prayer in el mandara * a mistake* my friend was wearing shorts *another mistake* - we asked el 7alla2 in front of the mosque to let us have wodo2 there *an unforgivable mistake* and give my friend something to cover her legs… but he made the perfect statement that "matsally keda 3adi… manto setat f ba3deeko y3nee !!!"

With too much coffee and sugar in my system feeling my brain actually hurting !!! cant sleep but cant wake up… daaaaaaamn !

The next day while going to Marina we saw the most shocking thing ever… POLICE having Tamer –wtf- Hosny as their representative in 2010 , so proud for having an Arabic guy represent them !!! After willis - banderas - clooney- beckham they decided that Tamer is suitable! what the fuck were they thinking !!!!!! (check the fucked up fkn video ! )

At night… I did my every year's summer 3agamy ritual, my 1 night out of body experience… I went to my favorite place in the world "Piza Baza"… for people who don't know it… it’s a pizza joint by morning and a "cabaret daraga tas3a" at night…

It was the 1^st day of Eid so there were 3 dancers this time – one of which was trying to score a friend of mine – and of course the excellent same Motreb of every year… and there was a black light (where anything white glows in blue) =D but the people with me there this year were afraid enough from the dancers not to dance with them (yeah the previous years when it was less crowded we sang and danced with the freaks)

The level goes down everytime… there were lap dances, rich men from country side giving 5 LE bills no2ta and every thing !

It was the most exhausting 2days trip ever… but totally worth it… I really needed the change… but it wasn’t the "estegmam" I was hoping for :D

and during all of this ... I was a living Trivia machine.... I'm hateful :D

Yeah… and I saw a baby turtle wandering the beach's pavement !!!

Happy Belated New Eid Everyone !

Just "BOLD"

2010-09-07T14:13:00.010+02:00

Its time for some fadaye7…

-I have taken this from my lovely Cinderella…

-I love how nostalgic it made me =D

Items are "BOLD" (RED) if true… and I'm so BOLD to be highlighting most of them…

-I am a cuddler.
-I am a morning person (neither a night person lately)
-I am an only child (-I consider myself so since -I have only 1 brother – 11 yrs older – barely there)
-I am currently in my pajamas.
-I am currently pregnant. (But -I Currently am having doubts)
-I am currently single.

-I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
-I am left handed.
-I am married (secretly...shhhh...jk).
-I am addicted to my myspace.
-I am online 24/7, even as an away message. (used to be… -I hate work !)
-I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first. (sometimes the exact opposite)
-I bite my nails (Again!).
-I can be paranoid at times. (all the time)
-I don’t like anyone (Mwahahahaha).
-I enjoy country music.
-I enjoy jazz music.
-I enjoy smoothies. (aunt-I anne's dutch lattee… a7eee)
-I enjoy talking on the phone.
-I have a car (elmar7ooma).
-I have a cell phone.
-I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.

-I have a hidden talent (hidden even from me…)
-I have a lot to learn (not my thing)
-I have a pet.
-I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl (well, now I'm with the right one… 100% sure, even if we didn't end up together he's the rightest of rights)
-I have all my grandparents
-I have at least one brother (lel2asaf)
-I have been to another country
-I have been told that -I am smart (fahmeen 3'alat)
-I have been told that -I have an unusual sense of humor
-I have OR HAD broken a bone (just fractured)
-I have Caller I.D. on my phone (external ganb el mobile :D, el post da mn sanat kam?? ).
-I have bathed someone
-I have changed a diaper
-I have changed a lot over the past year.
-I have done something illegal. (tough… tough stuff =D )
-I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
-I have had major/minor surgery.

-I have killed another person
-I have had my hair cut within the last week.
-I have mood swings (terrible!)
-I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
-I have rejected someone before.
-I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
-I have seen the television show The O.C (ughhhh…time wasted that I'm never getting back).
-I like Shakespeare.
-I like the taste of blood.
-I love to cook.
-I like to sing.
-I love Michael Jackson
-I love sleeping.
-I love to play computer games.

-I love to shop

-I miss someone right now.
-I own 100 CDs or more
-I own and use a library card
-I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
-I sleep a lot during the day.
-I strongly dislike math
-I was born in a country other than the US.
-I watch soap operas on a regular basis. (as -I live and breathe)
-I will try almost anything once.
-I work at a job that -I enjoy.
-I would classify myself as ghetto.
-I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free (just weight related ones…nothing facial).
-I am currently wearing socks.

-I am tired.
-I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
-I have had/have a broken heart
-I consume at least 1 alchoholic drink every month (*Sighs)
-I have a screen name
-Graduated High School.
-Kissed someone.
-Smoked cigarettes.
-Got so drunk you passed out. (I wish :D )
-Rode every ride at an amusement park.
-Collected something really stupid (mobile cards :D).
-Gone to a rock concert.
-Helped someone.
-Gone fishing.
-Spun turn tables.

-Watched four movies in one night.
-Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
-Lied to someone.
-Been dumped.
-Snorted cocaine. (in my next 5-yrs plan)
-Failed a class.
-Smoked weed (not "weed" per se).
-Dealt drugs.
-Taken a college level course.
-Been in a car accident.
-Been in a tornado.
-Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
-Watched someone die.
-Been to a funeral.
-Burned yourself. (accidentally)
-Ran a marathon.
-Your parents got divorced.
-Cried yourself to sleep.
-Spent over $200 in one day.
-Flown on a plane.
-Cheated on someone.
-Been cheated on.
-Written a 10 page letter.
-Gone skiing.
-Been sailing.

-Cut yourself.
-Had a best friend.
-Lost someone you loved.
-Shoplifted something (-I was 4).
-Been to jail (almost).
-Had detention.
-Skipped school.
-Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
-Stolen books from the library.
-Gone to a different country.
-Dropped out of school.
-Been in a mental hospital.
-Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
-Had an online diary.
-Fired a gun.

-Gambled in a casino.
-Had a yard sale.
-And a lemonade stand.
-Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
-Been in a school play.
-Been fired from a job.
-Taken a lie detector test.
-Swam with dolphins.
-Gone to sea world. (bas ro7t genenet el asmak :D )
-Attempted suicide.
-Voted for American/Australian Idol.
-Written poetry.
-Read more than 20 books a year (ayam ragol al mosta7eel ahh!).
-Gone to Europe.
-Loved someone you couldn’t have .
-Wondered about your sexuality. (3ad-I y3nee !!)

-Used a coloring book over age 12.
-Had surgery.
-Had stitches.
-Taken a taxi.
-Seen the Washington Monument.
-Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
-Overdosed .
-Had a drug or alcohol problem.
-Been in a fist fight.
-Suffered any form of abuse.
-Had a hamster.
-Petted a wild animal.

-Used a credit card.
-Gone surfing in California.
-Did “spirit day” at school.
-Dyed your hair.
-Got a tattoo *Henna counts?.
-Had something pierced. (ears?)
-Got straight A’s.
-Been on the Honor Roll (f 2ola ebteda2y).

-Your parents sent you to a shrink.
-Been handcuffed. (-I wish ;) )
-Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
-Taken pictures with a webcam.
-Started a fire.
-Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
-Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

Kefaia fadaye7 l 7ad keda :D

Thank u Cindy !!!!

You guys shoud check Yala7wY .... e7na geel makboot w safel :D